.Ranell.

.September 2008.

.Ashley.

.August 2008.

Running

Running away. Running from the days past. Wanting to forget. Trying to run faster and faster, trying to get away.

It's following me.

I occasionally look back to see how far behind it is... Not far. I only expected to be much farther ahead than I really was. It didn't take any time at all for reality to set in.
Fight or flight. The "flight" kicked in and again off I went -- sprinting now. Faster than ever. It was falling behind, but was still clearly seen when looking back. I continue to clear hedges and press forward. I find myself running faster still, weaving in and out.

Did I lose it? Is it gone?
I slow down to a jog, catching my breath. Once again, night falls down upon the surface and darkness engulfs the world.
I slow to a brisk walk. Sounds of night life fill the air. My vision line decreases. Sounds are the only help now. Looking back over my shoulder, squinting to find any objects moving around behind me.
The wind picks up and blusters through the trees, making them howl. Confusing the moving branches and bushes as my follower.

Is it safe to stay put? Is it safe to rest just for a few minutes?

The sound of a twig breaking echoes from the direction I had just come from. I jump. My heart starts to pound violently and loudly in my chest. I can only hope no one hears it beating.
Slowly I peer around the tree I was resting against.

It couldn't be here yet. It just couldn't.

I view my surroundings where the sound derived.
Nothing.

I couldn't have imagined it, it was too distinct. I try and convince myself that it was only the wind's doing. All I want to do is just rest. I've been running for too long.
Too long running...
I want a break. I need a break.

The wind continues to play tricks on me as I continue to look for any sign of movement -- of any particular movement...
Nothing.

My hear rate starts to slow. I lean more confidently into the tree, noticing for the first time how rigid the bark was, cutting into my shoulder blades, but for now, it didn't matter. I slid down, now sitting against the tree. Again, I noticed for the first time just how much I had torn, ripped, and cut both my clothes and skin, but for now it didn't matter.
Nothing mattered except the fact I could finally rest.

My eyelids grew heavy quickly and fell shortly after. The next thing I remembered was the sound of the morning birds calling each other and the sunlight warming up my face.
I didn't want to move; my body ached. Just a few minutes more...

Off in the distance I, once again, heard the crack of a breaking twig. Much more alert, I cautiously look around. The aches and pains of my body seemed minor, but still present.
Even in the dim morning light, shapes of objects were much clearer than the night before. In the distance an extremely particular, all-too-familiar, shape rustled where the twig broke. Forcing my aching body off the ground I knew it was time to go.
It was early enough for me to get a good head start without being seen, but the sun was rising fast.

Maybe I'll be able to rest fully soon... But for now, I'll just keep on running.

The Past Presents the Future

The Past Presents the Future --
Looking back, moving forward.
Somehow, some way, things are all related. Always related.
Living life day by day.
They end up being intertwined and mixed together.
Relating back to days gone by, looking forward to days to come.
Soaking in all my surroundings.
Trying not to move too fast.
Living life to the fullest.
The past presents the future.
The choice is yours to what you do with it.
Make it nothing less that what you deserve.

New Beginnings

Well, one week has gone by.
And a lot has happened. Who knew the time limits of only one week could hold so much?
Here are some of the things which have gone on in the past week of my life:

* This semester will be really hard. Abnormal Psychology will honestly do me in. I've already had three quizzes in that class, one tomorrow, and a quiz AND an exam Thursday.
Yes, Ab Psych will do me in. (Nice knowing you all!)

* I'm doing my very first Practicum at Mount Logan Middle School. I'm very nervous. Excited as well, don't get me wrong, but very nervous.

* I really like my job as a broadcast facilitator. I'm still getting used to it, but I enjoy it all the same. Besides, if it all works out, I'll be able to do homework during most of it. Perfect. (Side note: I haven't started at Aero yet, but probably will next week...)

* I like nice boys. They are great.

* Camping with friends always results in a good time. (Same with fires up the canyon.)
... even when people come and put your camp chairs in bushes and trees...

* "Failure is always the best way to learn, retracing your steps 'til you know, have no fear, your wounds will heal..." -- Kings of Convenience

* "Happiness is not a fish you can catch." -- Our Lady Peace

* Spiders like to live with us. We don't like them to.

* I also hate moving. Packing, unpacking, mostly. I still have things in boxes around our room. (Sorry Ranell.)

* I wish I had planned my time in SLC better. I miss you all, really I do. Feel free to come up and visit me though!

* Honey on toast is very tasty. I recommend it for anyone's snack or breakfast. Mmm.

* I do love the rain.

* Putting together bookshelves is a great time. Hahaha.

* I find that I am missing Thailand more than ever. I find myself talking about my experiences there often. Maybe it's because I framed some of my pictures and have them hanging in my room, so I see them often. I AM going back there. Hopefully soon...


Sometimes at work I don't do homework, but rather just write mindlessly...:

Magnetism forcing through the gate.
Solidify the meaning behind the facts.
Reaching unknown conclusions, turning them around.
Each day passes, moving steadily, memorizing the details, forcing the learned to be aware, standing strong.
All who remain...

(It makes sense to me...)

Love you all.